guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
