I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I can't trust your balls anymore.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
