Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
be right there i have to get my cape
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Randomize
