I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
