thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
