We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
