remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
There was a lot of him and a little penis
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
