i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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