Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
