We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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