Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
