I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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