It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
