whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
