we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
