I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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