I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
