Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
