Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
