she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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