I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Green mimosas i think yes
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
