I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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