i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
