I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
