sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
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