i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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