Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
