what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
time to smoke my breakfast
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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