I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
