My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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