bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
