my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I fill condoms, not promises.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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