Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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