If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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