My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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