I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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