Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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