end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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