Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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