I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
