i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
