wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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