nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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