just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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