so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
