Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
