did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
