Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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