shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
