I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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