A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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