Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My vagina just recognized that song.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
