I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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