You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
