Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
