I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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