I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
