Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
