Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
