gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize